Melancholic Musing

The recent events- the horrendous crimes that have taken place across the country have rattled me to the core. The condition of women and girls is becoming miserable day-by-day and despite that, there are people who still believe that everything happens only because the girl wished for it. Restrictions are imposed on her due to which whatever little freedom she gets is also taken away from her. This poem is just me expressing my angst on the injustice that is being meted to women and I post this with a hope that there will be a change in general mindset and biased opinions people have against women.

Everything I'd done
Every sacrifice I'd made
Every little step I'd taken
to mend our relationship
was always looked down in disdain.
Every moment I spent
always gave pain.
But despite all of that
I tried sticking together
tried to mend things
But you always spent time
only for your gain.

I knew it.
I knew it from the very start
that you were just using me.
but this silly heart
Oh this silly heart
never wanted to accept.
It knew it was living in a delusion.
But it continued to beat
it continued to beat with a hope 
that one day things would be better
One day it'd be back to normal.
But little did it realise that
things were getting eerily abnormal.

Despite the discrepancies,
Despite the desperate doubts,
Despite the state of submission,
I was in that comfort zone.
The heart found its soulmate.
It was ready to give umpteen chances
despite whatever the state.

Every time I looked into the mirror
I wondered
Why were my eyes red
and face filled with patches of black-blue?
I realised
It was your long strong hands
and your hard white shoe.

I always climbed down the ladder of life.
Put you before my dreams.
tried my level best
to stop those screams.
I always tried to change myself
in the process even losing myself.
But it never mattered to me
as long as you were clutching my hands
by going down on one knee.

I trusted you more than my kith and kin-my own.
It never mattered to me that I was alone
despite whatever situation I was thrown.
I never felt any remorse for  turning my back.
'cause somewhere I felt you'd have my back.
But when you showed me your true self
why was I shattered instead of taken aback?

Everything was over.
Finally I could come out.
The relationship got over, but 
what is the use
what is the use when everything is over
while my eyes forever shut?

                                                                                 

                                                                -  Anusha Sridhar

Social media syndrome

After a lot of persuasion by my friends, I finally joined Instagram. I felt very happy that I was becoming a part of the crowd. I was excited that my blogs would reach a wider audience and I could connect to all my old friends with whom I had lost contact. 

It was a quite a memorable day. I got in touch with many people whom I knew- but never spoke to. I got a significant number of followers and started enjoying memes; I understood the craze for it. I got good story responses and I, at last, became a 'Gen-Z social media user.'

The first few days were fun. I learnt the nuances of the app. I also learnt how to put stories according to the situation (the right song, the right pictures and tagging people) It was great to stay in the limelight and I was basking in the glory of being an avid 'Insta user'(this is the Gen-Z way of using the word). 

A few weeks passed by. There was a significant jump in my followers list. I was delighted at the prospect of reaching new milestones in terms of the growth in number of followers.  I was very excited that I had my own personal platform where I could post snippets of my life and stay relevant with the latest trends. With India having the most Instagram users in the world, I was just a very small addition to the humongous 'Indian Instagram- Gen-Z users world'.

As I started to use it on a daily basis- sharing reels and posts with friends and getting timely updates of my favourite films and stars, I realised two things. One, the amount of time I was spending on the app was increasing rapidly and two, I was always looking for 'Instagrammable' pictures- any new place I visited had to first be registered in my mobile and only then in my mind. Not that taking pictures of new surroundings is bad, but it was a new trait I had seen in myself.

Using Instagram was a great way for me to take a break from my daily routine. It provided me the much-needed laughter and was a great stressbuster too. But there were a lot of inherent comparisons that sprung up in my mind while using the app and checking peoples' feed.  An inexplicable feeling- a feeling of discontent and social estrangement. I really had no idea as to why I was developing such negative connotations despite being an optimistic person. I started feeling dejected even at the slightest prospect of lack of fun. Life started looking sombre, very monotonous with no form of break.

These symptoms of social media syndrome worsened day by day and my discontent kept increasing. Seeing this, one day I courageously decided to take a break- to come out of insta for some time. This decision made a lot of difference. I had lots of time to invest in myself- to groom my skills. After a fortnight, I rejoined Instagram with my usage solely restricted to a particular time frame and the purpose just being to stay connected with people.

After this drastic change, I had a few questions. When people know that they are signing in to be a part of a community that excessively promotes toxic positivity, why do compare their lives with others? Why is there this irresistible urge to have one's own active social media footprint?

Being on social media or wanting people to know our presence is not a bad trait. But in this process of showing the world that we are always happy and have a comfortable life, we deliberately put up a show; wear a mask and are never true to ourselves. Highlighting all the good things that have happened is not a problem. The problem lies in not acknowledging that everyone has their own share of both good and bad days and that people just choose to put out only their good experiences. Our definition of a perfect and happy life needn't match with the societal standards and expectations.

It is a natural human tendency to draw out lines of comparison when you find someone making great stride in their respective fields. It's okay if you are disappointed at your personal growth looking at their progress. Learn to come out of it and make a positive change since brooding is going to take you nowhere. It might be difficult to digest certain things at the initial stages, but once you start looking at Instagram as a place for inspiration rather than that of depression and anxiety, it will make you a much better and happier person in life. 

                              - Anusha Sridhar

Parakram Diwas

 (Hello my readers! How are you? It has been quite long since I have written anything these days. I have been preoccupied with some activity or the other- mid exams, celebrations, official visits through the toastmasters club, and lots of other stuff. But, you know, I want to plan my writing instead of making it erratic. Should I have deadlines like once in a month or one-and-a-half month? Do comment your opinion.)

As I was trying to figure out what to write next, a message from college popped up on my phone. It stated 'Please do participate in the Nationwide essay writing competition conducted by the Government of India on Subhas Chandra Bose's contribution towards the freedom struggle.' This got me excited. I rolled up my sleeves, wore my thinking caps and got ready to do the job. This is the essay I submitted on the aforementioned topic. I have made a few changes here and there before publishing it as a blog. Your views matter a lot. So please do give me your honest opinion and help in propelling my growth as a writer. The essay is as follows:

Subhas Chandra Bose- also widely known as Netaji- is a very popular figure among the masses and is remembered for his ideologies and decisions. His famous slogan ‘GIVE ME BLOOD AND I WILL GIVE YOU FREEDOM’ is unforgettable and still reverberates throughout the country. He continues to remain an inspiration for today’s generation for his far-sightedness and his approach in combating problems.

Bose was a staunch advocate for complete freedom and didn’t want the country to achieve freedom in parts. He rose against all kinds of discrimination as a student and never hesitated to fight for his rights. Due to his outspoken attitude, he was expelled several times and was classified as a rebel-Indian. But despite all this, Bose was an exceptional student. He passed his ICS exam. But after the Jallianwala Bagh incident he was shattered. He decided to put his heart and soul working for the country’s freedom.

He joined the INC and worked actively to enlighten the youth and students about the importance of achieving freedom and the atrocities committed by Britishers. He played an active part in igniting a spark in the young blood. He started the newspaper ‘Swaraj’ with the sole intention to spread the word about injustice prevailing under the British rule. He even wrote the book ‘The Indian Struggle’ which charted the Indian Independence movement which was in turn, banned by the British.

He had a lot of respect and admiration for Gandhiji despite certain ideological differences and was the person who gave him the title ‘Father of the Nation.’ He also revered Swami Vivekananda as his guru and followed his teachings and principles.

‘One individual may die for an idea. But that idea will, after his death, incarnate itself in a thousand lives. That is how the wheel of evolution moves on and the ideas and dreams of one nation are bequeathed to the next.’  Netaji believed that a person continues to live in the world after his death only through his morals. 

Bose was also the pioneer behind the revival of the Azad Hind Fauj or the Indian National Army (INA) first established by Mohan Singh. He believed in the paramount importance the Army's fearlessness and invincibility hold in order to defeat the enemy.

He went to great lengths to achieve freedom for the country. So much so, that he escaped from the clutches of the Britishers twice and travelled by different mediums- car, train and even by foot. His reappearance-both in Kabul and Germany- gave newfound confidence to the Indian rebels and provided an insight to his masterplan. He even went to Japan to resurrect the INA and make it an unstoppable driving force.

Netaji played a very crucial role in India’s freedom struggle. His contributions to the country are unmatched. His thoughts and vision for the country is the reason why he holds a position as a legendary freedom fighter. His firm belief ‘Freedom is not given- it is taken’ shows his commitment and conviction towards the cause. 

His war cry 'Delhi Chalo!' motivated the army personnel to such great lengths that they passionately laid their life down for the country. Such was Bose's impact (Rightly, his birth anniversary i.e the 23rd of January, is celebrated as Parakram Diwas to commemorate and honor his bravery and courage).

We Indians are proud that you have taken birth on this pure soil. We will always remember your ideals and will not let your contributions go in vain. Your inspirational life will always be etched in the walls of memory and the patriotic spark you have kindled in our hearts will gleam in our actions.   

        - Anusha Sridhar

 

 

My Insights

After two years of juggling with offline and online classes, a hectic schedule and loads of exams I finally got a break of three whole months. Three months to re-plan, reset and restart a new chapter in my life- four years in an Engineering college.

I got admission into one of the most prestigious and top women's colleges in Telangana- BVRIT-H. It gave me immense satisfaction and a feeling of triumph that I finally overcame the peer pressure, unwanted comparisons and most importantly, I came out of the vicious cycle of stress, anxiety and depression.

I had visited the college to clear all the formalities when I was informed that there was an induction program planned for all the freshers. The itinerary and general outcomes of the program were also briefly put out in our respective groups.

On the eventful day, I had attended the session with an amalgamation of emotions and loads of questions. I was a bit nervous about interacting with the new crowd and how I would carry myself. But all of that disappeared when I started listening to everyone speak. I admired the poise with which the alumni carried themselves on stage- without flinching- while rendering their speeches and was truly inspired by the address given by our Principal mam and Chairman sir.

The departmental orientation further boosted my confidence. I got to interact with the faculty and got my doubts cleared. I was happy to be on the right track with an assurance that my future was secure. As the session ended, I was inquisitive and was bubbling with enthusiasm about what was next in store.

The next three days passed in a blink as we students were kept engaged with various sessions covering diverse topics. The resource persons interacted with us in an amiable manner and were open to questions. They spoke about general topics and on how certain activities unknowingly hamper our productivity. They stressed upon the common mistakes students make, and gave tips to succeed professionally. There was a discussion about human values and important skills to develop during the course of four years. There was also an interactive talk on how important one's hobbies are.

We were given activities to keep the adrenaline rush high. We went for a campus tour and had a brief look at everything. We made new friends and got to know each other better in a short span of time thanks to the competitions organized that promoted a sense of teamwork and accomplishment. 

One thing that I really liked was how the college management stressed that they treated students from all the branches equally. They don't look at different groups as a ladder that promotes hierarchy but as a rope- a tool to connect all the branches through extensive training to everyone to remove the difference.

We were introduced to several clubs and were made aware of the numerous and diverse opportunities we have if we know how to balance academics along with activities. There is an equal importance given to technical clubs and non-technical clubs. Social service and nature-love also is of paramount importance so there are clubs one could join to make a difference and contribute from their end. A psychologist is also present with whom students can discuss their academic related problems and their personal problems too without any hesitation.

An opportunity properly utilized can change people's perception and can give one profound respect in the society. I am very proud to be a part of a college that offers a wide array of opportunities and helps everyone to shine.

                                               - Anusha Sridhar

                        

Body Positivity

 In this world where friends are measured by followers on social media sites, likes on a post measure one's beauty, preconceived notions about a certain body type takes the center stage- it is important to not lose one's serenity. 

It is important to not get discouraged by a certain section of people having narrow-minded thoughts. It is important to ensure that meaningful conversations don't take a backseat. It is important to understand the concept of inclusivity and apply it to our everyday lives. It is important to always stay positive and never fall prey to the negativity surrounding us.

In today's time where there are lots of expectations and comparisons, it sometimes so happens that people tend to presume things about your appearance. They rate your looks based on certain societal standards and expect you to fall into that bracket. If you don't, you are branded, but if you manage to fall into that category, you are venerated.  These double standards of people and their archaic thinking leads to something called 'body shaming'.

This problem is not something which has just been discovered. It has always been existent. The only difference this time is that people are now boldly opening up; are telling the world about their awful experiences.

 Every man who doesn't have a chiseled body and toned arms is the target for trolls. Similarly, every woman who doesn't have a flat stomach and toned legs is also the bait for trolls.

One must understand that there is a lot of difference between critics and trollers. Critics are the people who are genuinely concerned about you and your health; their sole intention is only to motivate you to shed those extra kilos.  But, trollers are the people who call you names; try to put you down in front of a crowd. Know the difference and don't distance yourself from the good people in your lives.

Many family members also keep bringing up the topic of weight. There is mostly a comparison done with cousins or relatives of the same age. Many-a-times even one's dressing sense is also chided. There are only two things we can do when a family member is involved: either ignore them or be brave and tell them your genuine feelings- the anguish and insecurity you feel when they always point you out.

At one point in our life, all of us have either been on the giving side or on the receiving side of comments about our body. How many times have we called someone 'motu' or even said 'tu intni patli hai ki meri phook se tu udd jayegi' to a person? These lines bring the loudest of laughter among friends. One might argue that such statements are only intended to be a joke and both the parties enjoy it. But the reality is that after a certain point, that person is known to the world only by their weight- not by their achievements. There is a certain sense of dislike developed towards one's own body. If remained unchecked, it goes to an extreme; the other person's confidence falters very badly and he/she goes into the labyrinth of self-doubt and depression. This is a vicious cycle to which a big full stop has to be put. Scars that happen in childhood can never be fully healed.

'There is awareness that body shaming is bad, but there is no acceptance of different body sizes.'  Even in a few popular shops, a woman's mannequin is generally represented as someone with a slim waist. A woman is generally presumed to be someone with a short height, small feet and who can easily wear all kinds of clothes without any apprehensions. Everyone has different body sizes yet shops choose to portray a body figure which most of the people don't even have. It breaks my heart to see no proper clothes for people having a bigger waistline than the conventional kind. Yes, there are separate shops for people who are bigger but the stigma around the topic makes some feel awkward while going to such places. 

A mother had conducted an experiment to teach her child what bullying does to a person. She asked the child to think of the paper as a person and call it names. As she started saying things, the mother kept crumpling the paper bit by bit. After the entire paper was crumpled, she asked her child to say sorry to the paper. She opened the paper back to its original size. The paper lost its entire form.

This is exactly what happens during body-shaming. You destroy a person's confidence like slow poison; he stops communicating, making friends and goes into a shell.

"I am not handsome, but I can give my hand-to-some when in need. Beauty is in the heart, not in the face."  This quote by Dr. Kalam makes people think- question their ways of assessment of others and their own hypocrisy while doing so.

Stop judging yourself based on your appearance. Love yourself no matter what people think about you. Having a healthy body is not wrong if you are active and flexible enough to do your own tasks. Keep yourself fit despite however you look because that will increase your longevity and will make your brain sharper. Lose weight only for your sake; don't do it due to the societal pressure to look appeasing.

 Finally, stop measuring a person's worth through one's body features and start measuring them through their kind gestures. Change the way you look at people and your life will surely change for the better.

                             - Anusha Sridhar

Independence

There is a popular saying- in order to achieve something, we must be independent. We must be aware of the losses and gains of our actions. That only happens when we understand the gravity of the situation and start taking responsibility for our deeds.

Now, what exactly is independence? Not being dependent and attaining liberation from something or someone. It is not a compulsion as such to be able to stand on your own feet and take a steadfast stance, but it is important to at least prepare oneself to be so when the need arises.

Independence is not something that is related to age. It is a quality that evokes from within depending on the circumstances and our understanding of ground reality. In other words, it depends on a person's maturity levels and how capable they are to grasp both the sides of the coin.

In this journey of becoming self-reliant, it is very important to respect our choices and not lament about them. Thinking a lot about the past will make us sink in the quicksand of regret and despair. There is nothing we can do to change what has happened. So it is important to always keep moving forward and ensure that each day takes us an inch closer to the penultimate goal. 

Not all days are going to be bright and not all circumstances will favour us. We mustn't stop working despite knowing beforehand that situations are not going to play out our way. It is important to be optimistic and look for a smarter approach that will bring us out. Believe that there is always a happy ending waiting and we can reach it only if we go the extra mile.

Being independent doesn't mean that when you are overcome by self-doubt and anxiety due to certain outcomes, you have to face it all by yourself. You must always acknowledge the people who are always by your side as a friend and as a guide. It is fine if you sometimes are not able to fit into the conventional model of a self-sufficient person. It is fine if sometimes you fall short of something. But it is important to comeback stronger after every setback.

Sometimes, being independent might make people arrogant and they start judging others for still living in someone's shadow and taking a second opinion. This is wrong. Everyone has their own understanding and way of doing things. We have no right to poke our nose and give unnecessary advice.

Independence- to an extent- would also mean to follow your daily routine meticulously and play an active role in the household work. It might look comparatively lesser to few, but knowing such things would surely be beneficial for us in the long run. We must learn to never look down at anything as insignificant.

Independence has its own cost. It is something that comes to some with choice and to some without a choice. Irrespective of that, we have to accept whatever comes to us. When we know some things can't be changed, instead of cribbing about it, we must either take it up as a challenge and aim to change certain aspects or must start enjoying the process and change the situation we are in. Either way, our sole aim must be to improve the condition we are in.

Nobody is fully independent. At some point or the other we need someone's assistance to cope up with situations. So one must always raise the bar high with each attempt. Must come up with novel ideas to sustain the competition. Must be aware of what is going on around. Must be conscious of the way we project ourselves and MUST understand that EVERYTHING has a price. Every breakthrough, everything achieved always comes with a price.

                                      - Anusha Sridhar

Navratri time

 If there is any festival that is celebrated with great pomp and splendor across the country in different forms- it is Navratri. Be it the garba in Gujarat, the Ram-leelas in UP, the Durga-pandals in West Bengal or the Golu in Tamil Nadu- every state has its own unique way of commencing the festival.

Navratri is one time of the year that I eagerly wait for. Arranging the Golu bommais, trying novel ways of setting them, making new kolams and buying new dolls every year really builds up the excitement. There needs to be elaborate planning, shifting of things and a proper arrangement while setting up the Golu padi. It is time consuming, but fun. 

This is the third year of keeping Golu in our house and trust me, every year I have learnt something new. It became a lot easier to set up all the items. I developed passion towards decoration and learnt how to keep things simple without over-doing it. 

                                                                   

Yes, sometimes we may not be satisfied with the outcome- so we have no apprehensions in spending extra time to re-do it. Sometimes, we may not agree with each other about certain ways of arrangement and have deep discussions about it, but at the end of the day, we are contended. We don't even get proper sleep-time, but still  wake up the next day and arrange everything for the morning puja and carry on with our daily chores. 

For me, Navratri is equivalent to great memories and new learning experiences. During Navratri, I get solid time to spend with my family. Dinner-time discussions on a variety of topics become more frequent. We watch films together, go outside and enjoy to the core!

One more reason why I like Navratri is because of the gatherings at home. For 9 days, our house will be brimming with people. Wearing a wide range of clothes, photographs, games, meet-ups with old friends, relishing the different kinds of prasadams- there is everything!

Navratri is a full-fledged festival. It gives immense satisfaction to everyone celebrating it. Wishing all my readers a very happy Navratri! Enjoy your holidays! Sit back, relax, savor new varieties of food and I will meet you very soon with my next blog!

Cheers till then!

                                    - Anusha Sridhar